tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30928592011-12-02T16:45:57.767-08:00My Life as an American GladiatorCaution! Do Not Insert In Ear Canal!kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comBlogger8181100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-67706425172608827552011-08-10T10:49:00.000-07:002011-08-10T10:50:59.925-07:00Allergic...TO BEES!
No-one has ever made a heart-stopping thriller called Allergic to Bees, but it could really be something. A guy living out his life just like everyone else, but just that little bit more carefully. Every few minutes he would see something yellow or black or yellow and black, or hear a buzzing, and for a second he'd go "Is that a bee?"
and then a minute later he'd go "Oh... kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-53717459904306967302011-02-09T11:26:00.000-08:002011-02-09T13:43:59.448-08:00SuperishSo I watched the Super Bowl, after my 18-month old had gone to bed, so she wouldn't bother me with her constant yammering about how Troy Polamalu is overrated or with her tedious diatribes about the 3-4 defense. And sure, it was a good game--but when 2 teams you don't care about are playing in the Super Bowl, it's all about the commercials.Apparently there was something about a guy eatingkafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-90041210230633199832010-11-30T10:03:00.000-08:002010-11-30T13:55:55.088-08:00The FutontrossI put you on Freecycle, futon. And still, no-one wants you. What does that say about you, futon? That no-one wants you even when you are free. And I didn't even include the awful truth that you still smell vaguely of cat pee.Your mattress weighs a metric ton, and your folding frame does not stay up--one of many ways that you are an invertebrate. Your mattress is too heavy and thick kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-91714707394899720152010-11-19T13:18:00.000-08:002010-11-19T13:19:39.299-08:00Aaaaaa!Burrito longitudinal split! Structural integrity fatally compromised!I am engulfed in a sea of frijoles negros. It is much like Pompeii, only with more warning and legumes.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-39130176845798422642010-11-09T13:23:00.001-08:002010-11-09T13:29:42.484-08:00SOUP DAY!Just thought I'd break the months and months of silence here to let you know that is clearly and unambiguously Soup Day. I urge you in the strongest possible way to go and eat some soup right now. If you can't eat it, for some private reason that you'd rather keep to yourself, like maybe you were traumatized by soup as a youngster when you walked in on your parents having soup one day, kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-85882075549532639262010-02-10T15:53:00.000-08:002010-02-10T15:56:17.328-08:00A Possibly Astute ObservationThere comes a moment when you're eating red licorice when you think to yourself "You know, I'm only one step away from eating plastic here."In fact, I'd go as far as to say that red licorice is probably the closest you can get to a non-food item and still have it be food. Not sure who would win in a non-food-off between wax lips and red licorice, but it would be close.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-14196554030286916522010-01-04T17:05:00.000-08:002010-01-04T17:18:01.910-08:00Here's to You, BradI don't come around here much anymore, but there's no place that makes sense more than this to talk about my friend Brad Graham, a man I knew only online and never met.A few years ago--I suppose it is more like 8 years ago now--I was working in a godawful job that I called "Purgatory Inc." when I wrote about it here on My Life as an American Gladiator. To keep from going crazy,kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-61195773514355025972009-07-04T12:53:00.000-07:002009-07-04T13:04:17.569-07:00News from the Baby FrontOh my. The sleep. I remember the sleep.I've been grabbing an hour's sleep here and there, while the wifely friend takes her shifts. Mostly, I've been watching just remarkable amounts of television, with the kid on my lap or next to me in her bassinet, my mouth hanging open, my chin and neck region a scraggly mess. Surrounded by burp cloths, Boppys, onesies, and empty kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-79854151234151147502009-06-30T21:44:00.000-07:002009-06-30T22:09:31.142-07:00I Guess We're Going to Have to Take ControlSo, something recently happened. I became a dad for the first time. My daughter was born at 6.10 yesterday morning, and damned if she isn't the best thing I've ever seen in my entire life.This probably explains why I'm sitting in a hospital, trying to keep my eyes open, watching Ghostbusters 2. I always seem to end up in front of the tv, viewing kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-72843981160288201852009-01-20T22:09:00.000-08:002009-01-20T22:24:20.252-08:00SwearingI wanted to say a few brief words about the inauguration today, besides "sucks to be the guy behind the big hat". That, I think, goes without saying.What I really wanted to say was that I forgot how it felt to have a president that can make it through a speech without smirking. Who sounds like he believes the words he's speaking. Like maybe he even had a hand in writing those words. Who kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-85564285941295718452008-09-18T11:42:00.000-07:002008-09-18T11:43:50.768-07:00A Brief ConfessionI subscribe to Word of the Day emails only so I can feel superior when I already know the word.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-76934394567504672592008-09-10T13:59:00.000-07:002008-09-10T14:02:23.002-07:00Just In CaseSo a bunch of crazy Swiss types think it's a good idea to tamper in God's domain and start accelerating particles all willy-nilly (not to get too technical for you). To me, it seems like they're just asking for some janitor to stumble into a vortex and be given supervillain powers, but do they care? No.In case you would like to check if the Large Hadron Collider has destroyed the kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-69942662276456503212008-09-08T09:23:00.001-07:002008-09-08T09:23:44.951-07:00I sometimes think of Clippy, and where he is now. Maybe selling pencils down on skid row. Following passers-by, his breath reeking of Jasco. "Hey... mister..." he slurs. "It looks like you're trying to get away from me! Here are some options you might try."And as his victim hurries away, the tears roll down Clippy's face. "I just want to help. Only to help."kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-9818130906061061772008-02-04T13:08:00.000-08:002008-02-04T13:17:56.759-08:00The Napoleonic WarsI have had a deep and abiding need for a Napoleon since last week. Not the pint-sized French general kind, but the pastry kind. My usual go-to pastry destination, Whole Foods, left me Napoleonless, in a "not much call for them around here, squire" interaction. Another luxury grocery store which shall remain nameless (but is in fact named Draeger's) also failed Napoleonically kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-45112194514525578952007-10-26T22:17:00.000-07:002007-10-26T22:43:07.595-07:00The Return of Large Oily PeopleAs you may have heard, NBC is basically admitting defeat and complete lack of imagination and bringing back American Gladiators, the finest program ever produced in recorded history. Of course, I've been in talks with the network. They want me to return to the field of battle, and once again become what, in my heart, I've always been: an American Gladiator.But I kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-72115054020279719622007-10-16T22:23:00.001-07:002007-10-16T22:27:51.088-07:00The Wisdom of Bob DylanHow many songs could a tambourine man play, anyway? And why would you want to hear one, no matter how alert and directionless you might be? Because really, no matter what song the tambourine man might play for you, it's going to sound like kss! k-kss! k-kss!I guess it's better than Mr. Triangle Man or Mr. Kazoo.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-62760431388417347242007-10-09T10:05:00.001-07:002007-10-09T10:07:23.738-07:00Eight (or Ten) Arms, No WaitingI can't believe I missed International Cephalopod Awareness Day this year. Beside the fact that I've surely offended some of my favorite cuttlefish, I've probably moved up the list for grisly disembowelment when the Old Ones show up. Let's hope Cthulhu sleeps in.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-22725163093874373132007-09-16T18:08:00.000-07:002007-09-16T19:51:43.089-07:00You Have to Have GoalsThe wifely friend is driven. She has near-term and long-term goals. She has a planner. She knows what Franklin-Covey is. I thought it was a Peanuts character. She has goals like "become an executive by 35" or "save money". And--this is the amazing thing--she actually does them.For me, goals are a little less impressive. For a long time they were along the lines of "eat the kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-29834916132461047972007-08-03T09:27:00.000-07:002007-08-03T09:45:39.048-07:00One Squirrel's Quest for Collectible ToysIn Helsinki, Finland, there is a squirrel who runs into a grocery store a couple of times a day and steals Kinder Eggs. It then unwraps them and makes off with the toy inside."It removes the foil carefully, eats the chocolate and leaves the store with the toy," Lindroos said. However the tiny delinquent -- who clearly has no social conscience -- leaves thekafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-38762902485955545882007-07-30T21:38:00.001-07:002007-08-05T19:01:05.792-07:00The Returnering, Part TwoI've been gone for a while, I know. But things in the world in general have been going, let's face it, pretty poorly since I stopped writing here. Also, the stock market fell three hundred points yesterday, and that can't be a coincidence.So what have I been doing these many months?What happened was, I got really into that Deadliest Catch show on the tv, so I joined up. kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-4418564363025113102007-06-01T13:19:00.000-07:002007-06-01T17:00:12.392-07:00Not a Dry Eye Patch in the HouseDid anyone watch the premiere of Pirate Master last night? I'd like to pretend I'm above that sort of thing, but I admit to you freely, I watched almost half of it. It was so terrifyingly poor that I don't know if I could stomach another episode. It's even less interesting than Survivor...on Pirate Master, a bunch of tools in eyeliner sit around with nothing to do kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-9242460494013854672007-05-24T12:00:00.000-07:002007-05-24T12:07:20.311-07:00Turkey TimeInternet reprobates subject themselves to torment for your potential pleasure, screening the IMDB worst-100 reviewed movies and reviewing them for you. Thrill to the majesty of "3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain", starring Hulk Hogan, amongst others.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-41684206894090842672007-05-23T13:00:00.000-07:002007-05-23T13:06:29.879-07:00Passive-Aggressive Notes from roommates, neighbors, coworkers and strangers.Particularly enjoyable are the desperate pleas for bathroom decency and the plaintive "You Must Wear the Unitard Provided".Note: Some swears may lurk within. If you are of the type who flee from the swears, flee now. Away, into the night, swear-free. The little swears may be caught in your hair, or clinging to your linty kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-15112156587291056812007-04-12T10:03:00.000-07:002007-04-13T09:42:29.383-07:00Goodbye Blue Monday Kurt Vonnegut is dead. He gave up writing novels a few years back, when it seemed he had said what he wanted to say. But he left us beautiful books like Cat's Cradle and Breakfast of Champions. When I was a completist teenager (as opposed to the obsessive completist thirties person I am now), I would obsessively eye my Vonnegut collection and think to myself "I only needkafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1162333207396936952006-10-31T14:19:00.000-08:002006-10-31T14:20:07.416-08:00Fear of SkeletorsDeep down, in my heart of hearts, I'm afraid I'm starting to look a little like Rumsfeld.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1160330582155218662006-10-08T10:36:00.000-07:002006-10-08T11:04:12.770-07:00What a CountryYesterday, we spent a few hours wandering around San Francisco, on a quest for Japanese snack food. You see, we went to Japan on vacation a few weeks back, and now we miss being in a country whose obsession with soft drinks and snack foods borders on the insane.San Francisco's Japantown, in case you're wondering, is pretty much exactly like being in Japan. There are a couple of big kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1158697568099503942006-09-19T13:12:00.000-07:002006-09-19T13:27:12.836-07:00Talk Like a Pirate DayHonestly, I'm a little tired of Talk Like a Pirate Day. Pirates have overstayed their welcome. I don't mean my pirate houseguest who's been staying with us since early June, infecting us all with beardmites and eating all our limes. No, you're fine, Blind Pete. I mean conceptually.Every once in a while we must, as a culture, reexamine the hierarchy of these core comedy kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1156481255696467502006-08-24T21:24:00.000-07:002006-09-12T15:44:03.080-07:00OH! THE FISH HITS! FIGHT!If you're anything like me (and I hope for your sake that you're not), you spent a large portion of your formative years playing Nintendo. Not Super Nintendo or your Wii. No. Nintendo, with ROB your Robotic buddy and Duck Hunt and Gyromite and Oktoroks. That Nintendo.We didn't have eighteen buttons and a magic wand. We had two miserable buttons, one of which didn't alwayskafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1156367404508718162006-08-23T14:06:00.000-07:002006-08-23T14:10:28.576-07:00The Lion ContentI just saw a headline on CNN that said Mountain Lion Bursts Into Man's Home. Besides the obvious "well, we probably have been bursting into that mountain lion's home for years now," I kind of hope the guy was sitting around watching teevee in his underwear and the lion came crashing through the window."Hotcha!" it would say. "Get me! I'm a mountain lion! Raar!"Cheetos would be kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1156311227289919002006-08-22T21:57:00.000-07:002007-06-28T17:41:42.063-07:00The Poo Brew ReviewI found out a few weeks ago that a coffee shop near my work sometimes stocks the rare and expensive Kopi Luwak. Kopi Luwak, in case you've never heard of it, is sometimes known as Civet Coffee. What makes this coffee different?It's pooped out by a small mammal. Here's a picture of the pooper now:Luwaks eat coffee berries at Indonesian coffee plantations, selectively choosing kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1153969591545031962006-07-26T19:58:00.000-07:002006-07-26T20:51:54.763-07:00Half a Decade of This?Yes, it's true. My Life As An American Gladiator, the site that capitalizes everything, even the small words, has been around for five years. True, the last couple of years have been no great shakes, but let us not reflect on that.Let us think, instead, of all the good brought into the world through the possibly tireless efforts of this blog. Did you know that this blog has,kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1151289488617086502006-06-25T19:18:00.000-07:002006-06-25T19:38:08.676-07:00The World Cup ReportSo, we're into the second round of the World Cup, and I'm enjoying it with a gravity that makes people really regret talking to me at work.I've watched all but about two of the games. I even made it through Tunisia v. Ukraine, a match in which two guys were carded for slipping into comas on the pitch, such was the blistering pace of the contest. The USA is, of course, out. Andkafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1148333414714544442006-05-22T14:24:00.000-07:002006-06-25T19:18:33.900-07:00Watching Tonight, our filthy television addiction will end. That's because The Amazing Race ended last week and 24 ends tonight. 24 is problematic, because it's frankly kind of Red Dawn-ish and implies that the entire fate of the country is dependent on one guy who likes to torture people maybe a little more than is strictly necessary, and on one sys admin who seems to be the only person with kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1147750024250486222006-05-15T20:16:00.000-07:002006-05-15T20:27:04.273-07:00Misanthropy in Small DosesThere's this show on TLC or Discovery or Home Surgery Channel or whatever called "Honey, We're Killing the Kids!" Being a supporter of well thought-out homicide in all its myriad guises, I was crestfallen to learn that this show is not actually about airlifting your children to a deserted desert island where you get to hunt them, Most Dangerous Game style. No, what's kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1146687417729293582006-05-03T13:14:00.000-07:002006-05-03T13:16:57.743-07:00Those Who Can'tWhen you're not updating your blog with japery and bonhomie of your own, remember always to link to the japery of others.Case in Point: Tremble on ballsThe mirror was an unnecessary extravagance, in my opinion, because I sincerely doubt I would need (or want) to see myself in a full-length mirror, wearing nothing but a hooded sweatshirt, t-shirt, and brown socks. It is not a good kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1144264867650738002006-04-05T12:20:00.000-07:002006-04-05T12:21:07.663-07:00Words of WisdomWhen you're eating baby carrots, under no circumstances should you think about toes.In fact, as a general rule, just don't think about toes ever.*shudder*kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1143778870519392292006-03-30T20:17:00.000-08:002006-03-30T20:21:10.530-08:00Half and Half NastinessIs it so much to ask? I mean, I can overlook the fact that these half and half tubs mysteriously don't need to be refrigerated, and don't seem to go bad, well, ever. And the fact that they're called "Mini-Moos", while disturbing in the sense that it calls to mind liquefied baby cow, can be glossed over. But...I ask you,Can we make a Mini-Moo that doesn't ejaculate all over kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1143000230608576832006-03-21T19:52:00.000-08:002006-03-21T21:59:04.460-08:00The Leprechaun LadderI know, I know. I've been gone a long time. A really long time. Like maybe so long that you were searching around for me, and you almost went so far as to look in the freezer and in the sock drawer, but you drew the line, because that would be a little silly. But I wanted to wait until I had something really trivial to discuss before I broke my silence.And the thing is The kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1137566395394967242006-01-17T22:17:00.000-08:002006-01-17T22:39:55.416-08:00Clockwork DentistryIn my continuing quest to plumb the very depths of dental anguish, I visited my dentist to get three more fillings this weekend. Somewhere between novocaine shot 7 and 12, I noticed that the dentist was chatting with the dental assistant about music.Apparently, the receptionist at the office had made some musical choices that were driving the dentist to distraction. He was kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1134542497705028352005-12-13T22:12:00.000-08:002006-01-08T21:14:28.330-08:00FallingSome days have passed since my last post. The more perceptive among you might even call it a month. The Christmas season is almost upon us. I can tell because people in my neighborhood are trying to signal passing space aliens with their yard decorations. There are a lot of lights. I think I saw Mothra circling one particularly impressive display featuring some glowing Jesi. That's kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1131493987358062502005-11-08T15:52:00.000-08:002005-11-09T21:10:15.403-08:00Enjoy the BuffetThe wifely friend has been pushing me tofuwards in small steps."Look honey," she'll say slyly at the store. "It's a steak substitute. I bet it tastes just like steak!"And she can, of course, sense my resistance to the meatlessness of these substances she brings home. She is attuned to subtleties undetectable to the untrained ear, like when I say "You want me to eat that?" or "Willkafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1130990165896657892005-11-02T19:51:00.000-08:002005-11-02T21:17:56.316-08:00The Salad Paradigm—Carpathian DetenteThis salad that I'm making now - oh man, it's like confetti. It's got color and texture and little stringy things. And olives. It's like when they'd go to Puerto Vallarta on the Love Boat and they'd go to the market and buy all that crap and maybe somebody would get a cursed pinata or something (and Doc Brikker would learn the true meaning of love, by learningkafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1129946337120901162005-10-21T18:53:00.000-07:002005-10-21T18:58:57.136-07:00Blow Football Was RobbedTV Cream's Top 100 Toys [via boingboing]This is a great collection of toys I remember fondly. Most of them we didn't have ourselves, but I either yearned for them, coveted them, or have, indeed, never heard of them. This is a British site, so being raised by diffident and bespectacled British parents gives me more chance of having seen these, but most are universal.I spentkafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1129265398783281522005-10-13T21:26:00.000-07:002005-10-14T14:30:52.443-07:00Not Nearly EnoughI saw a really tragic commercial the other day on the electric television.It was along these lines.Frighteningly smooth man's voice: "How much would it take to get you to listen to a radio station? Two hundred fifty dollars? What about twenty-five hundred dollars"Sultry, yet sort of perky woman's voice: "That sounds good."FSMV: "What about twenty-five THOUSAND dollars? Tune in tokafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1128544627592645172005-10-05T13:31:00.000-07:002005-10-05T13:38:15.683-07:00Two Dorks that Pass in the Mid-MorningI was on my way in to work this morning, stuck in rather heavy traffic, when a guy in a Range Rover pulled up alongside me and shouted something. I didn't hear him, because I was being extra-dorky by listening to Sisters of Mercy* at high volume.I turned down the tunes and looked at him. "I went to Miskatonic University too!" he cried.Aha! A fellow dork had kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1128456379741857092005-10-04T13:05:00.000-07:002005-10-04T13:06:19.746-07:00Things that Are Really Not Very Good At All When Warm#87: Ranch Dressingkafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1127833716757759692005-09-27T08:03:00.000-07:002005-09-27T08:08:36.766-07:00Quick!1 Go look at pictures of baby sloths!Blatantly stolen from the pleasing greengabbro.net.2 The streak may be over. Something stung me this morning while I was jogging. Thirty three years without a bee sting and it all comes crashing to a halt beside a lake in San Bruno. Oh the humanity!I can't prove it was a bee. It could have been anyone of a small and stingy nature, I guess. Jogging, sadlykafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1127711441484660832005-09-25T21:40:00.000-07:002005-09-25T22:10:44.940-07:00Dead Can Dance Post..Now DeadI just spent twenty minutes writing a post about going to the Dead Can Dance show in Oakland on Thursday, but Blogger barfed and now my post is lost in the aether, much like a diaphonous goth blouse. So, here are the abbreviated highlights.The show was great, and we agreed that it was a great old person show. The doors opened at 8, and the band was on by 8:20. I'm kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1127139695867573302005-09-19T07:18:00.000-07:002005-09-19T07:21:35.873-07:00Essssss... No! Wait! I Mean Arrrrrrr!Indeed , mateys, 'tis Talk Like a Pirate Day.Why not mix it up a little this year and try talking like a pirate who is fact a duck disguised as a pirate?kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1126673678792089452005-09-13T21:32:00.000-07:002005-09-13T21:54:38.836-07:00For Your Rodent PleasureSomething is in the ground at the Kafkaesque homestead.EXHIBIT A was the mounds of earth multiplying in the back yard. EXHIBIT B was the odd and somewhat disconcerting behavior of the neighborhood cat gang (note: I am not specifically speaking here of Cat Town, which I enjoy linking to whenever possible, because it contains pictures of cats wearing headwear, and that's kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1126112787619879462005-09-07T10:05:00.000-07:002005-09-07T10:06:27.626-07:00Sell the RanchA great idea for Hurricane relief.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1124238104242202762005-08-16T17:21:00.000-07:002005-08-16T17:21:44.250-07:00Animal CrackersI think one of my animal crackers has a goiter. And what is that? My god, is it an udder? A monkey with an udder?I can only conclude that some hideous experimentation has been taking place. That the jar of animal crackers in the break room has become some sort of nightmarish Island of Dr. Moreau, where beaks grow from the crotches of innocent bison, yawning bubos infest the backs kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1123986363005124142005-08-13T19:24:00.000-07:002005-08-13T19:26:03.013-07:00I Believe That Would Be a PlappleThe best thing I heard at the Farmer's Market this morning was when a young woman cried excitedly to her boyfriend "Honey! Try this. It's a pluot. Half plum and half apple."kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1123692840105473822005-08-10T09:48:00.000-07:002005-08-10T09:54:00.113-07:00I Had the Hairpiece Dream AgainIt is the simple questions that can drive one to the very brink of madness. Such a question haunts me in the quietness of the night, when the clacking percussion of the clock's march offers no respite, and sleeplessness is the only spectre haunting the halls of my consciousness:What kind of world are we living in that T.J. Hooker is available on DVD?kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1123267556376091192005-08-05T11:45:00.000-07:002005-08-05T11:45:56.386-07:00French Pop DayI declare, in an admittedly unofficial sense, today to be French Pop Day. Please, take to the streets playing Stereolab and Air. Be aloof. Be confused about exactly what you should be wearing or listening to. Try a hat. When people ask you why you are wearing a hat, and perhaps even demand that you remove said hat, especially if you are wearing it indoors, which can be construed as kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1123130402181293322005-08-03T21:15:00.000-07:002005-08-03T21:40:02.210-07:00More than Full DisclosureI'd like to broach kind of a tender subject here.I don't know anything about women. I know that's shocking to hear, coming from a guy who is not only married, but has an near-encyclopedic familiarity with horror movies and D&D.This fact was brought home to me the other night, a night like any other. The wifely friend (who I am at pains to mention is a woman, and thereforekafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1122606579496849562005-07-26T19:58:00.000-07:002005-07-29T07:34:22.656-07:00FourThe surface of the blog is crystalline and unmoving. Not a wind or breeze breaks the undisturbed, mirror-like level of the disconcertingly white Blogger template. For over a month the quiet has reigned, icy and deathlike.From behind you, you think you hear a sound. But it is nothing.You eat a cheese puff.And suddenly, without notice, without notifying you in writing two to four weeks kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1119936983954932302005-06-27T21:39:00.000-07:002005-06-27T22:41:05.926-07:00UpdatesI just thought I'd drop by and let you know about some important things that have transpired of late.a. The Taco of GoldI was unprepared for the discovery one morning of the Taco of Gold. I was in the midst of my daily commute, not suspecting that the proof of the existence of this legendary comestible was mere yards ahead of me. And then, as I entered the 101 onramp, there it was!Men had kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1118020040574416422005-06-05T18:05:00.000-07:002005-06-05T18:07:20.583-07:00Full DisclosureI really feel like I should like The Stranglers. Every few years, I get "Always the Sun" stuck in my head, or I suddenly think of "Golden Brown" and can't remember how it goes. So I dredge up a Stranglers Greatest Hits album and play it. And you know what? My Stranglers Greatest Hits album would contain exactly two songs. The rest? Kind of crappy.update: Actually, "Always the Sun" kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1117688918766476882005-06-01T21:28:00.000-07:002005-06-01T22:09:24.533-07:00The Answer to Any Trivia Question Worth Knowing is "Chuck Norris"I went to Trader Joe's, as is my wont when I am in need of some substandard cereal and Slovak beer, and a remarkable thing happened: a little Chuck Norris moment.I took my purchases to the register, and got carded for my exciting Slovak beer purchase. The clerk looked at my driver's license, and immediately got a far off look in hiskafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1117513723234185822005-05-30T21:25:00.000-07:002005-05-30T21:28:43.240-07:00And I Didn't Even Get to Do ThatAbout an hour and a half into clearing our front garden of the ten foot by ten foot pile of rocks, shovelful by shovelful, wheelbarrow by wheelbarrow, it hit me: This is the same thing I'd be doing if I killed a guy in Mississppi in the late sixties.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1116302307388795232005-05-16T20:44:00.000-07:002005-05-17T07:50:44.450-07:00The Grocery StoreA Play in Two ActsAct IDoth thy carte offend thee?I just returned from the grocery store, which for brevity I shall simply call The Really Overpriced Grocery Store That's On The Way Home. On the way inside, I stopped to grab a cart (because I'm a thinker, see?), when something strange caught my eye.This store has a dispenser of sanitary cart handle wipes.Ha! I thought. These kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1115960266814438402005-05-12T21:52:00.000-07:002005-05-12T22:00:48.570-07:00Cingularly UnfunctionalYou know what? I'm getting a great deal on my nationwide calling plan! For the ten minutes of each day that my phone actually has a connection, it's great!But I must say that I'm paying a mere 60 dollars a month for two phones! 60 dollars! That's such a great deal that I don't mind the fact that the phone works neither at my office nor my home. And it has a really cute kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1115268088932142662005-05-04T21:04:00.000-07:002005-05-04T21:41:29.156-07:00What?What's that? Am I still here?Yes, I'm still here. I was not here for a while. I was even in Hawaii for a while there. But now, resolutely and steadfastly, I am here.And what knowledge do I bring you from Hawaii? Not much, really. But I brought you chocolate covered macadamia nuts. Everyone brings chocolate covered macadamia nuts. I think you can probably buy them here. But in Hawaii, or in kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1110566987347488362005-03-11T10:38:00.000-08:002005-03-11T10:49:47.350-08:00No Longer at LargeDave Allen passed away last night at age 68. I grew up watching his very old-school one-man show "Dave Allen at Large" late at night on PBS. When my parents would let me stay up late enough, that is.Good night, thank you, and may your God go with you.Some collected Dave Allen quoteskafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1110296142871122912005-03-08T07:30:00.000-08:002005-03-08T07:35:42.873-08:00Music to Start a Cult ToYou should be downloading Gram Rabbit mp3s.Cool, kooky, hypnotic music from a little Joshua Tree band.Also, bunny ears.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1110164349350304902005-03-06T18:54:00.000-08:002005-03-06T21:37:30.253-08:00Physical FitsOnce again, we have begun to plunge healthward in the Kafkaesque household. Roughly every other day, we wake up at five thirty in the morning (or even earlier, depending on who we are trying to impress with the story) and go for a half-hour jog.And we are not even being chased by bears or anything.I've discovered something fantastic about jogging, and I think it's probably why most kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1109692709835552982005-03-01T07:53:00.000-08:002005-03-01T21:51:25.526-08:00Things I Learned from Watching John Carpenter's "The Fog"So the wifely friend and I were out hiking this weekend. It was a beautiful day and we hiked about 5 miles, up a mountain ridge to the San Francisco Bay Area Discovery Site, where hundreds of years ago, intrepid explorers looked down on the San Francisco Bay and said to themselves "I think the real estate here is going to be very, very kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1107655875466172242005-02-05T17:55:00.000-08:002005-02-05T18:11:15.466-08:00The Squeegee Incident
This weekend we drove down to Orange County for reasons which I assure you were perfectly valid, and I just wanted to share a small magical moment that occurred in a 76 gas station in the town of Grapevine: an elderly gentleman cringed before me.
Now I should begin by saying that I am not a particularly threatening looking kind of guy. Goofy and somewhat slow-witted, yes. kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1107041762953965922005-01-29T15:14:00.000-08:002005-01-29T15:36:02.953-08:00Things Have Happened
So many dramatic things. I now have an actual job where I have to do actual work. And actually commute. So as a result I've been a little busy.
Gone are the halcyon days of Purgatory Inc, where I labored for so many years. I know I will always miss the excitement of working with people who sold Avon on the side and had Tupperware parties. And will I ever see Captain Porno kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1103771037173969372004-12-22T18:45:00.000-08:002004-12-31T12:06:02.593-08:00Decorations of Doom
In years past, I was your average Christmas decoration kind of guy. I had a few strands of your garden variety yellow, red, blue, green lights with which humans have adorned their houses since man first began walking erect. Some of my lights looked a little the worse for wear, with the color beginning to scrape off in spots. I'd string them on the eaves of my house and revel kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1102985807257197902004-12-13T15:42:00.000-08:002004-12-13T18:42:13.476-08:00Christmas Carding
I am in charge of the majority of the Christmas card duties here at Team Kafka HQ. I know you may not call them Christmas cards. You may call them Holiday cards, or Solstice Missives or Death of Nature Fliers. I don't know. Anyway, some thoughts:
- The decay of enthusiasm
I always start out the Christmas cards with a great attitude. I compile the list of worthy recipients andkafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1102387230098029152004-12-06T18:24:00.000-08:002004-12-09T18:40:37.203-08:00Fishing 101
Every year, I forget to buy a fishing license until about September. Then, all of a sudden, I feel a deep and abiding inner need to sit by a lake not catching any fish, so I spring into action. I race to the nearest sporting goods store, drop 40 dollars on a license, and buy a variety of shiny, smelly or otherwise disturbing items that will help ensure the safety of the fish in my kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1102121369429253072004-12-03T16:37:00.000-08:002004-12-03T16:50:45.670-08:00Mess Update
Yes, I deleted the links. But they will be back again one day, kind of like Frosty the Snowman. What the hell was the idea there? Look, kids, snowmen melt. It's unrealistic to expect them to stick around forever, and no way can they procreate. I know that's harsh, but I'm all about the tough love.
Anyway, the links will one day return, so don't despair.
Also, I got a kind of bad kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1102096032345661782004-12-03T09:37:00.000-08:002004-12-03T09:48:05.230-08:00God Bless This Mess
As you can see, the sixth seal has been broken. The lion is laying down with the lamb, the guinea pig is consorting with the hermit crab unabashedly, and I have changed the layout of this site. My efforts so far involve randomly deleting things and seeing what happens, so you'll just have to bear with me. This may lead to an extremely minimalist look. So minimalist, in fact, kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1101915386162460722004-12-01T07:35:00.000-08:002004-12-01T07:36:26.163-08:00World AIDS Day
kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1101867950092514232004-11-30T18:16:00.000-08:002004-11-30T18:25:50.093-08:00What Part Is This Again?
This is the part where I get all contrite about the not-posting-to-the-blog for days and days. Please. I am on my knees here. I beg and beseech. Sometimes at the same time. Let's not pretend this isn't going to happen again. Because we know that it will. Weeks will go by with no sign of me, and then suddenly, here I am again, back in your life and expecting a nutritious,kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1101230471999632272004-11-23T09:09:00.000-08:002004-11-23T09:21:12.000-08:00Eary
Something deeply troubling happened yesterday. I noticed that I am developing long and luxurious -- I would even say Fu Manchu-esque -- ear hair.
For those of you who haven't already clicked away, let me just say that this isn't the "growing out of the earhole" sort of ear hair. That, while disgusting and disconcerting in a very real way, is to be expected. This is the "growing off the kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1100803428041525712004-11-18T09:57:00.000-08:002004-11-18T10:43:48.040-08:00Here, Have Some Links
I don't do this very often, because frankly there are a million other places where you can get your RDA of Wacky Linkage. But a voice told me out of nowhere that I needed to put some links on my site. I looked at the cat and asked pointedly "Was that you just then? About the links?"
He ignored me.
AFI's 100 Years, 100 Movie Quotes - Read their list of 400 nominees! Argue kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1100278382870599972004-11-12T08:28:00.000-08:002004-11-12T08:53:02.870-08:00Blatant Self-Interest
Today is the day. The day when Neil Young was born, and Booker T of Booker T and the MGs fame. And me, too. I am thirty-three today. As far as our contributions to society and art in general go, I would probably come in third on that particular list. But no matter!
Today I will venture, as I did in my youth, to the Hundred Acre Wood, where the happy animals will caper and kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1100199192412710422004-11-11T10:48:00.000-08:002004-11-11T10:53:12.416-08:00Brain Hurt
Please go and have a look at this very pleasing and brain-painful Dragon Illusion. Best viewed on the video, so make with the downloading. Also, print out your own!
[thanks Johnny13]
kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1100139856735119292004-11-10T18:17:00.000-08:002004-11-10T18:24:16.736-08:00I Am Running
Not for office. No. I am running from the Dog Police. You've got to help me.
I have the song Dog Police stuck in my head, and I only know the line "You've got me running from the Dog Police!"
I guess that's enough.
The only cure known to mankind.
Also, as an addendum to that last fancy post with all the pictures, the wifely friend wanted me to share that I did, in fact, fall offkafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1099966834498447282004-11-08T18:02:00.000-08:002004-11-09T21:31:49.070-08:00Expert-ese
"I am an expert." It's the phrase I use to allay my wife's concerns that I am about to hurt myself really badly in an act of home improvement. I am not what is known in the common parlance as "handy". And yet I must soldier on, because in spite of the fact that I will probably knock myself unconscious at least once during my chosen task, I must not let my fellow experts down.
kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1099508652771768192004-11-03T11:01:00.000-08:002004-11-03T11:04:56.056-08:00Despair
So, it seems to be over, and Bush will continue as our nation's puppet for four more years. Though, with the electronic voting machines now so widespread, who really knows if he won? It occurred to me as we watched Dan Rather call the election "Closer than two hickory sticks stuck together with ground-up earthworms", or something to that effect, that the republicans might just have kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1099377721093779372004-11-01T18:01:00.000-08:002004-11-01T22:42:01.093-08:00Vote, Ye Mighty
Hi again. It seems that there is going to be an election tomorrow. We will come together as a nation (those of us that can be bothered, I guess), and appoint a new Grand High Poobah. I hope against hope that Bush loses. Anyway, like everyone else, I'm advising you to vote.
Michael Moore's Election Eve Note Sure, he can be kind of an annoying turd, but sometimes he hits the rightkafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1098756261790041982004-10-25T18:49:00.000-07:002004-10-25T19:04:21.790-07:00JESUS IS MY _________
I was driving behind an elderly lady in what I believe could accurately be called a "monkeyshit brown" late seventies Buick. Or maybe metallic monkeyshit brown is better. Maybe this particular monkey had been snacking on some metal chips or something. I don't know. But the point is that here on the peninsula, there are many, many such elderly folks whose schedule is a kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1098213123385107782004-10-19T11:58:00.000-07:002004-10-19T14:45:55.723-07:00Dispatch from a Pile of Boxes
I speak to you (figuratively of course. I don't sit at the desk and speak out loud, addressing you as if you were here. Not often, at least.) from the study of my new house, having fought my way through piles of boxes and detritus so impressive they should be featured in a new and exciting video game where you shoot stuff while jumping from crate to crate. You know,kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1097022531423459342004-10-05T17:12:00.000-07:002004-10-05T17:28:51.423-07:00Oh! I Forgot this Existed!
Hello again. I know I've been away for a while. Did you water the plants like I asked you? I only ask because the hydrangeas are looking a little peaked. I'd even say dead.
Here are some possible explanations for my absence:
a. Evacuation due to Florida hurricanes - While it is true that I live in California, one can never be too safe in the face of an angry Mother kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1094581433059783642004-09-07T11:21:00.000-07:002004-09-07T11:23:53.060-07:00It's Like the TB Ward in Here
The guy next to me sounds like he has the whooping cough. The woman a few cubes away sneezes every five minutes or so, and follows that up immediately with a groan which suggests she's thinking "Is that part of my brain that came out just then?"
These undead shamblers come by every now and then, dragging themselves to the restroom to eject some lymph into the kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1094150755488829922004-09-02T11:41:00.000-07:002004-09-02T11:45:55.486-07:00The Kicking of the Nuts
Kicked In the Nuts movies. So stupid, yet so funny.
You know, for years I have have been toying with the idea of the ultimate in horror: a movie that's nothing but 90 minutes of people's expressions when they realize they've just tipped their chair back too far and are certainly doomed. You won't see that kind of reality in the mainstream, my friend. Can you imagine it? kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1094014019527052992004-08-31T21:19:00.000-07:002004-09-01T23:39:33.593-07:00Chico Rainmaker
I don't think there are enough truly scarring shows on the teevee today.
Let me give you a little background here. Every once in a while, out of the blue, I get a flash of a despicable earworm that goes a little something like this:
Chico, Chico Rainmaker
And that's it. I can't remember any more of the song. And the worst thing is that any of the following teevee memories kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1093497804956150842004-08-25T21:27:00.000-07:002004-08-25T22:23:24.956-07:00Little Person Ping Pong
I once played ping pong with a little person, and lost. I have been reminded of this incident by all the white-hot ping pong action that has been on display in the Olympics.
[By the way, I've been watching the Olympics pretty much constantly. My votes for most super-boring of Olympic sports:
Air Rifle - You'd think someone shooting a gun would have an inherent kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1093405904395682322004-08-24T20:49:00.000-07:002004-08-24T20:51:44.396-07:00Tex! George Bush and the Fine Art of Character Assassination
Buy your George Bush Superhero comic today!
[warning - sound and Flash]
Flash trailer from my good friend jpoulos.
kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1093389266548861652004-08-24T15:57:00.000-07:002004-08-24T16:14:26.546-07:00Zack, Eater of Bugs
Just to keep going with the general entomological theme I'm sure you have been so richly enjoying of late, here is Zack's Bug Feasting Page. I should also point out that Zack (who I like to refer to in my own mind as Zack, Zack, the Bug Eating Maniac) spells his name two ways on the same page, so don't go correcting me.
Including such crowd-pleasers as:
The giant silkworm
kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1093318989492833942004-08-23T20:41:00.000-07:002004-08-23T20:43:09.493-07:00Bee Update
I was not the only Southern California resident having bee problems. Knowing my luck, they'll probably show up at my place.
kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1093318751200611952004-08-23T20:16:00.000-07:002004-08-23T20:39:11.200-07:00Infantile
I warned you, you people. If we were not vigilant, it would happen again. We were naive, thinking that after the last time, mankind would have learned its lesson, and would never again tread the paths that led us to this pit of despair the first time.
And yet here it is, another talking baby movie! Can we stop with the talking baby movies? What is wrong with the world?
That was kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1092550215132806192004-08-14T22:21:00.000-07:002004-08-15T10:35:19.186-07:00Bees
I have written here before about bees. And here. Recently, I had a bee experience no man should have to endure. Now listen, any bees who may be out there reading this, cut it out.
I have always been one who got along with the bee. I watched Ulee's Gold and everything. I have seen photos in the Guinness Book of World Records with people with beards made of bees, and instead of merely kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1091994829269360442004-08-08T12:17:00.000-07:002004-08-09T17:56:50.623-07:00The Stabbing Room
We've been house-hunting in the San Francisco Bay Area for the last couple of months. "House-hunting in the San Francisco Bay Area" is another way of saying "ensuring that we will never have any money again ever".
House-hunting is kind of a curious pastime, and one that I encourage everyone out there to indulge in. Or "in which to indulge", to be prepositionally accurate, I kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1091161279438024672004-07-29T21:19:00.000-07:002004-07-29T21:21:19.436-07:00Incidentally, if anyone with a bigger brain than myself can help me figure out how to fix the bottom of the table on those archive links, I would be forever in your debt. I would buy you candy. Good candy, too, not those Circus Peanuts or anything.kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092859.post-1091160382973451712004-07-29T20:43:00.000-07:002004-07-29T21:07:37.196-07:00What Was Forgotten
I forgot my long standing tradition of squirm-inducing "favorite posts" links. The cards and leters have been pouring in, beseeching me to indulge in this disgusting display of navel-gazing.
I cannot disappoint all of these beseechers. So here are my favorite posts of the year. I can say with confidence that quantity certainly went down this year, but...well. Let's just kafkaesquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17636509807187790810noreply@blogger.com